Boris Bikes – A geeky take

Image by EG Focus. Shared under a Creative Commons license.

Boris Bikes have been confounding me recently. And it seems I’m not the only one. (And the issues are not new…)

Crossrider has done a good job of explaining the continual frustration of the process of trying to liberate a bike from its apparently beloved docking station. However, because I’m a bit of a VBA geek, I thought I’d try to put this into an algorithm to show just many opportunities Boris and his bicycles present for failure:

Sub GetBorisBike()
    For Each Bike In Rack

        'Check Bike:
        If FrontWheel.Flat = True Then Next Bike
        If BackWheel.Flat = True Then Next Bike
        Lift (BackWheel)
        If BackWheel.Spins = False Then Next Bike
        Lower (BackWheel)
        If SeatPost.Adjusts = False Then Next Bike
        If SeatPost.Secures = False Then Next Bike

        'Secure Luggage Outside 30 Min Window
        'With Stupid Little Bands
        Secure (Satchel)

        'Attempt to remove bike

        Enter (Key)
        If Light = Red Then
            If MyPatience.EndOfFile = False Then
                Next Bike
            Else 'If all else fails
            End If
        End If
End Sub

However, I’m not very good at writing efficient code. I tried running the above through a compiler, and it was able to make it significantly more concise:

Sub GetBorisBike()
End Sub

Fortunately, at least, the London Bus Network is “reliable, quick, convenient, comfortable, easy to use and affordable”.

Image by Judy **. Shared under a Creative Commons license.


One Response to “Boris Bikes – A geeky take”

  1. mattjuden Says:

    Makes me want to cry:

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